I remember thinking the three of them were a thing, I wanted to spend more time with them. I really enjoyed their energy and longed to know them deeper, but something inside me was also confused that the were fleeting. I asked Where do y’all live? Megan said, We live in West Virginia, about 6 hours from here, and I said Oh it’s so far. L I felt sad and disappointed, but she welcomed me to come live with her and visit anytime. I thought that was sweet, She was so open… is she like this with everyone or just me? I thought. I romanced on the idea of traveling again… Asheville has been so challenging. I want deeply to understand my place and space, and Asheville feels like the first place I’ve been in a while that in a lot of ways invites a deeper side of me, it invites a sexual, kinky, vulnerable side of me, that I’m desiring to stay open with. If I leave, then what? Will I loose access to these parts of myself… I want deeply to be a mother and for my children to be free to express themselves through sexuality, and sensuality and understand it’s a wonderful powerful connecting part of life for humans. I don’t want them to be sex shamed like I was…
However, I appreciated her offer and felt sorrow over loosing a friend again. Asheville, ya know, attracts these flowy types. I feel confused because I am a flowy type but I want to stop flowing sometimes, so where is the balance?! I stopped flowing because I got lonely and wanted community, now everyone else is flowing. Can we all flow together? I don’t know.